I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
