i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
