I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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