I want to have your abortion
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
