So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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