I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
