i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
