Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
