nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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