Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
