i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
