I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Still dying that you shit outside
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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