I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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