I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
