he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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