if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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