She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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