I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
