...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
