I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
