Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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