Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
