I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
