Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
