All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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