He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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