I wannas sexs uuuuu
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
