Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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