you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
