there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to calm my uterus...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
