i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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