Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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