Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
