plz talk dirty to me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
