The maid of honor just puked.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
