Your face is a jimmy john
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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