I wish I only lived at night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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