Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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