we're chasing vodka with high fives
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
