I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
