I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
