I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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