sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We need to get me chipped asap
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
