I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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