Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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