Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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