guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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