I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
