i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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