What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
