it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
