If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We left the knife in your bed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
