Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
