i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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