White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
