WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
