STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
