More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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