remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
