Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
